I became a Christian shortly before I turned 17. For some reason, in all God’s omniscience, he placed me in an Independent, Fundamentalist, King James Only, Baptist church. The next few posts will be memoirs regarding what I learned those few years as an Independent Baptist. It will concern not only my experiences and their doctrines, but also their heuristic devices – one of which is fear. I’ll not spend any time refuting the crap I’m going to write about - most of it is self-refuting anyway.

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Shortly after God saved me I purchased my first Christian music: Audio Adrenaline: Bloom. I didn’t know who AA was, I just knew I liked rock music and it was kind of cool to find some with Christian themes.* I also purchased, to my eternal regret, Carmen: Riot (but that’s a story for another time).

Elated at my acquisition, I told my pastor. Immediately I was reprimanded for buying such filth because Rock & Roll, of any kind, is sinful. Not being a very thoughtful teenager, and having just been introduced to this Christianity stuff, I accepted what he said. I went home and threw away all my rock CD’s: (just to name a few - Nirvana: Never Mind, Bush: 16 Stone, and Smashing Pumpkins: Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness**)

Interestingly, in an act of clandestine defiance, I didn’t throw away Bloom, but instead I went out and purchased Jesus Freak.

When I asked my pastor why all rock music was bad, he said 2 things:

1. Moses went up on the mountain to receive the law of God. When he came back down, Aaron had all the people worshiping a Golden Calf. While they were worshiping that Golden Calf, there was “a sound of war” in the camp. Now, Tom, what music sounds most like war? Rock music, of course. Anachronism, you wills see, is a continual theme for these folks.

2. The beat of Rock & Roll music is demonic. There are stories of missionaries who let their children buy Christian rock while on furlough, only to return to their post and have the natives tell them, “That’s the beat we used to use to conjure up demons.” You see, even Christian rock is demonic. To use Jr’s illustration, pray to God that if you get a flat tire, that the thudding sound doesn’t conjure a demon.

My pastor then proceeded to give me a number of CD’s by the Gaither Vocal Band, Gold City (I think that was their name), and Crimson Blood (or something like that). After listening to these CD’s, I concluded that if rock music was a tool of the Devil, certainly this crap must be the spawn of Satan. Apparently, though, while the beat of rock music conjures demons, the Country Western sound is acceptable

*Bloom was their last good CD.

** Obviously, I’ve not changed too much – I’m still spoon fed pop culture – except for freakin Nickelback, the musical equivalent of a turd floating in a punchbowl.